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More Human Than Human
Guys, check out this email I got:
"I was just reading your articles online and you are a real asshole. Glad to know you are giving other men advice on how to manipulate women. Treating someone with respect will go alot father than...
What a loser!
Wow, that was a simply STUNNING argument. When you learn how to spell and complete your sentences, you may want to give me a phone call. I'll bet that you're not getting a whole lot of action right now, anyway.
I love it when I get emails like this, because they just prove what I'm doing. First of all, that you can never make everyone like you, and second that many women are inherently unable to see that this is not about "respect" or manipulation of women.
It's about treating yourself with respect and dignity FIRST.
It's about not letting yourself get taken advantage of by a program that makes you buy women dinners and flowers, only to get a kiss on the cheek from them and a "you're so sweet!"
It's about knowing the rules of the game - the ones she's been using for years to get what SHE wants. It's about getting the success YOU deserve with women ... and getting rid of uptight ones like this as fast as you possibly can...
I never preach that you disrespect women, only that you put yourself up there at least as high as you put her up on that pedestal she loves so much.
Oh, and it was fun being a "loser" again last night on my gal's couch ...
My over all attitude is coming along, compared to how it use to be ( a recovering nice guy). However there are still a few things I'm having trouble with. The teasing and cockyness seems to be getting women's attention extremely well, but there are a lot of times where that's all I really say to them. I almost feel like I'm doing it too much. There has got to be some happy medium out there that I'm just not getting, or is this a normal feeling?
It also seems that this problem goes hand in hand with getting her emotionally involved (something that's a bigger problem than teasing too much, but I think are connected somehow). I haven't ever been able to get women to emotionally connect with me or with what I'm saying.
For instance; My band played at this bar last weekend, and the waitress already knew me from the last time we played there. Right off the bat she was real happy to see me and every time our paths crossed she was touching me ( I didn't touch her back, though).
However she never got emotionally into what I said, I feel that all I did was give her a hard time. toward the end of the night when we were packing up, I was trying to get her to think it would be her idea to hang out at her place after we got done (another thing that is a problem for me... ??she thinks it's her idea??), but this never happened. I would very much like to see how all this works, but just can't seem to put it together. Can you please help me understand?
Well, first off, you're in a band, dude. That's good for a lot of mileage right there. You know firsthand that chicks love guys in bands.
Because when you're onstage, you demonstrate all the qualities of a man they want to be with - independent, confident, fun, self-interested.
But there is more, as you're discovering. Let's review...
1) Good work on the first stage. You're getting the hang of the most important part. You're getting them interested, and the women are getting touchy-feely. This is a great indication of interest (IOI) from a woman. You don't get much more obvious a signal than her touching you.
2) Now, after you tease and get her attention, you have to balance it with "real" behavior. In other words, you now have to work on building RAPPORT. Rapport is that feeling that the person you're hanging with is "like you." You have to build that sense of affection and trust that gives her a warm sensation.
You can't just tease. I've said this before, and it's covered in the Audio coaching as well. If you're just teasing or doing the cocky routine, you're ignoring the factor of achieving rapport with her. Humor will take the edge off this, but you still have to retain a good attitude. You have to come across as HUMAN.
Remember that part of the equation is feeling self-confident, but that doesn't mean she has to trust you or feel comfortable around you. So shoot for the confidence as you work on building rapport with her.
Always remember that what you think you're communicating with your confidence may not be received and interpreted the way you want. Confidence is a combination of many small behaviors that add up to the overall total self-confidence of a man. If you're not achieving congruency (your actions = your beliefs) then you'll trigger alarms in her head and she'll lose her feelings of trust.
I believe that most guys want just ONE good woman, and that's the primary reason we get obsessed when we find a woman we really like. We realize how rare a good woman is, and we want to lock her in as soon as possible. You want to avoid over-doing it. Acting aloof or distant is the wrong angle to play early in the game. You want to appear unflappable by her behavior, but not too distant from her.
Again, you must be human. She has to feel that you've got a heart. (And hopefully you do have one!) Remember: Act with a laid-back confidence that she can trust.
Here are a few steps:
1) Start touching her back - just a LITTLE.
2) Use slower speech patterns and much stronger eye contact. In fact, make eye contact without saying anything. That will turn her on.
3) Start talking about things that you have in common. Don't talk about YOU - talk about HER. Find things in HER life that you can connect to, and let her know how you connect.
4) Start making her LAUGH. She has to be laughing WITH you a good portion of the time to feel rapport. Make sure you're not just teasing her, but be funny about other things as well.
(HINT: Review the section on the Three S's in the ebook... If any of you don't have this book yet, you can download it here: www.datingdynamics.com/ebookstore.htm
Women want a man that appears vulnerable, yet is strong enough to be there for her when she needs him.
Which leads me to this: You know that women are getting more and more picky about men, and they can sniff out inferior guys with just a whiff of your confidence. And to stand out you MUST have the edge on the other guys out there. You need to be a REAL MAN, not this sissie-fied cartoon man that the media sells you.
My e-book gives you the information and skills to get the women YOU want. Not SETTLE FOR. There are so many things you have to have down pat in the singles world. Like, how do you NOT screw it up in those vital first couple minutes of meeting a woman? You've heard me say this before: Getting laid is not about getting "lucky."
It's about having the right knowledge and understanding up front. Women are actually WAITING for men to date and sleep with, if you'll just give them the right reasons WHY they should be with YOU. It's deliberate and on-purpose, not subject to the whims of chance and fate. BE the kind of man they are waiting for. That's all they ask of you. I've worked for years to break down what it is that women are trying to tell you with their behavior, and finding out the hard way why being a "nice guy" is dooming you to failure.
You need this knowledge and understanding. When you have that knowledge, you can make better choices and demonstrate better behaviors. When you demonstrate better behavior, you will get better RESULTS. My e-book -THE DATING BLACK BOOK- will help you get all of that ... and then some. Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.
Where do you go for the information you need?
THE DATING BLACK BOOK has the complete breakdown of the dating scene, and it's ready for download right now, no matter where you are or what time it is in the world.
You'll get answers to questions like:
... When is a woman playing you or REALLY interested?
... How do you stop being strung along for weeks and weeks by women, and how do you turn them on to you instead of you being turned into another girlfriend? ... How do you meet MORE hot women? ... How do you get them attracted to you right from the start? ... How do you stop paying for dates that go NOWHERE?
Don't forget - The Advanced Audio Coaching Session 8 is ready NOW to take your current skills and take them to the limit...
Imagine having a coach giving you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your technique and success with women - firsthand. You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile.
"I have already listened to session 8 and once again I think that you have cut
thru the modern myths of talking to woman and revealed more reality." - R.H.
www.datingdynamics.com/audioprog.htmCarlos Xuma is a dating and seduction advisor, as well as a motivational and life counselor. He's the author of The Dating Black Book, Secrets of the Alpha Man, the Advanced Audio Coaching Series, and too many other articles to mention.
Each week, the Dating Dynamics newsletter gives advice to men across the world on topics related to dating, relationships, and sex. Carlos Xuma helps men get more confidence and success with women ... After all, every man has the right to a healthy dating life. Dating Dynamics provide advice, articles, books, audio, and all the resources a mand needs for success.
Carlos has also been a guest advisor and author on numerous sites and respected dating publications, such as:
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- Don Juan Center
- Dating Newsletter
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