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Watch Out For Her Block
Thanks for the extra Q&A 0 what a great supplement to the Dating black Book! I have a question regarding the "I Love You"...
I've been dating this girl now for 3 month and we became really attached. I think she has really fallen in love with me. The bad thing is she will leave the country to work abroad soon without any prospect of coming back. Having been in long distance relationships I can tell this doesn't really work for me. Also my girl starts telling me more frequently "I Love You" recently, which does not make things easier. I know it has to end soon, so I never respond to this because I don't want to hurt her later. What should I say? Do you have an idea how to handle this situation appropriately since I really care for her and do not want to be too brash.
(NOTE: for those of you who aren't aware, The Dating Black Book program now includes an additional e-book on Q&A examples of real situations.)
This situation is always tough, because a good guy will feel a bit guilty about the difference in interest. I'm not sure how old your gal is, but she may be hoping for some romantic odyssey of love where you propose and go overseas with her. You have no idea what fantasies she might be entertaining rather than the ugly possibility of ending it with you. (And you already know the scoop on long-distance romances from The Dating Black Book and your own experience.)
My advice would have to be that you sit down and tell her exactly how it has to be as soon as possible. It can be difficult because you don't want to crush her, but she will eventually understand the situation. Don't put this off any longer in the hopes of keeping the sex flowing.
The longer you wait, the harder it becomes on her - and you. Truthfully, somewhere inside, she's probably expecting it from your behavior. Ultimately, you'll cause more pain by waiting and being uncertain than if you end it cleanly now. This will also help you in the future when it comes time to be decisive and end something with another woman.
Remember, you have to be the MAN. Be decisive and firm, but gentle. She does not have the power to do this right now, so you will have to. Ultimately it will always be better for you in the long run to be the one to end it.
You reinforce something critical to your long-term success with women, and it links right to the core of your confidence. The bottom line is that only a man who is truly confident about his skill with women is able to break up with a woman, because he knows there are more fish in the sea. Do you fear loss, or are you enticed by gain?
As much as we hate hurting another person's feelings, it's always better to show the strength and honor to do the right thing. She's a big girl and can take care of herself. (Remember, as I coach you in the book, be mindful of her feelings in how you phrase your reasons - don't make it her fault - and follow the break-up steps I suggest.)
And, as a side-lesson in the power of differing interest levels, I'm sure you're seeing how your pulling away has made her start to work harder to get assurance of your feelings. Interesting, huh?
As soon as she felt the distance and gap between you start to open up (no returns on her "I love you"s, etc.) she started to pull you in more. This is what all guys should keep in mind when they manage to hook a woman who has some interest in them. Stepping back when you've established some interest gives her the space and freedom to pull you back in.
hi i was out the other weekend to a new bar that a friend of mine dj's at thought something different. i meet this girl i know from work and we were really hitting it off. about mid night or so a girl that had broke up with me comes in with a bounch of her friends. she acts all jealous of this other girl. keeps asking me who is this, what are you doing and so on. so i brush her off a little and don't really say much.
then at the end of the night she
wants to know what i'm doing if i'm going somewhere else. i didn't really give her an answer. then she tells her ride to go, and asks me if i could give her a ride to go somewhere else , and i didn't have any entensions of leaving because i has hitting it off really well with this other girl. so being the nice guy i am i gave her a ride. do you think i have any chance with the other girl even though i let her hanging, and left with my ex instead.
It seems you're playing the sucker for your ex girlfriend again, my good man. You're letting your familiarity (and probably some hope of getting back together with the ex) cloud your judgment.
Let me just point out the single most important thing you said in your email: "so being the nice guy I am I gave her a ride."
And look where you wound up... She took YOU for a ride instead. That's what being a "nice guy" does for you. (But we both know it wasn't just nice-ness, now was it?)
Ask yourself some critical questions here:
1) Why didn't you tell your girlfriend to buzz off?
2) Why didn't you see what was going on and put a halt to her manipulations?
You know why your girlfriend did the things she did. She didn't have to have YOU give her a ride, now did she? Why do you think she told her ride to go?
She pulled your strings just right, and you were her puppet again. She just wanted to stop you from getting with this new girl by cock-blocking you with her manipulative tactics. And guess what?
No sex that night, huh? Not even from the ex, I'll bet.
It's great being the Nice Guy, huh?
Quite frankly, after being suckered into that pathetic display of ex-girlfriend "Yes, dear" behavior, I don't think you stand much of a chance with either of them. But if you want to turn it around, you should simply go ask the new girl out and pretend that nothing happened. As long as you weren't rude in your departure with your ex, she might have interpreted the situation as just another woman in your life that wants you. (Which would normally be good.)
And if you have to explain, just tell her you needed to help out your ex in a time of need. Don't answer apologetically whatever you do. Own up to the choice you made.
Again, it all depends on how you cut it short with the new girl as to whether you can go back. You say you "left her hanging," which does not sound like you explained yourself well. Hey, at this point, you've got nothing to lose.
The best thing you can do now is emotionally learn the lesson this whole experience should have taught you. And never forget it - or repeat it.
It's actually more important to be smart and fail than it is to be dumb and succeed, because those easy successes never TEACH you anything. And guys are notoriously thick when it comes to repeating dumb mistakes.
Women, on the other hand, are well versed in the rules of romance. Just the way that your ex-girlfriend managed to manipulate you out of your shot with that girl.
Ask yourself: When was the last time you got advice from someone on how to avoid an ex-girlfriend's cock-block routine? How to help you get a new girl's number? How to get her to accept a date? How to get a kiss at the end?
How to NOT screw it up in those vital first couple minutes?
Women get this advice ALL THE TIME.
What do men get?
Squat. Diddly. Zero. Nada. Bupkiss.
How does a smart guy get the information to win at this game?
Think of it this way: Getting laid is not about luck.
It's about having the right knowledge and understanding up front.
When you have that knowledge and understanding, you can make better choices and demonstrate better behaviors.
When you demonstrate better behavior, you will get better RESULTS. My e-book will help you get all of that and then some.
Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.
Where do you go for the information you need?
Guess what? THE DATING BLACK BOOK is ready for download right now, no matter where you are or what time it is in the world.
"I want anything that you endorse to expand my education on seducing women. That's how impressed I am with the DBB. Dude, you are RIGHT on the money in that book." - D.S.
Download the book, read it, review the strategies, and put it to work for you right away. If you don't feel that it's the incredible, insightful, and invaluable tool I've made it out to be, you can simply ask for a refund.
Guys, I'm in this field to help you, educating men to do better in their lives in the one thing that has eluded us for thousands of years - COMPLETE SUCCESS WITH WOMEN.
Is there anything more important?
You see, the first 30-60 days of any dating relationship with a woman is THE most volatile, since almost ALL the mistakes are made here. If you last past this point, chances are you'll be able to keep her for as long as you like.
If you've ever found yourself saying, "I don't understand women!" then this book will finally give you the knowledge you need to finally understand. I'm telling you, it's like getting a book that describes how a certain magic trick is done that has fascinated you for years. You get to peek behind the scenes and learn how things really work.
I remember when this realization hit me, and how excited I was. I stayed up that night writing out how I'd use the knowledge to improve my dating life. It wasn't until years later that I got around to writing the book on it, but I finally did it. And now you can download all these priceless strategies right now at: www.datingdynamics.com/ebookstore.htm
Is there ANYTHING else worth learning more than how to be successful with women?
If there is, you should let me know... because your priorities may be a little whacked.
Go to the site now and download a copy of THE DATING BLACK BOOK right now, and learn what most men will never understand:
www.datingdynamics.comCarlos Xuma is a dating and seduction advisor, as well as a motivational and life counselor. He's the author of The Dating Black Book, Secrets of the Alpha Man, the Advanced Audio Coaching Series, and too many other articles to mention.
Each week, the Dating Dynamics newsletter gives advice to men across the world on topics related to dating, relationships, and sex. Carlos Xuma helps men get more confidence and success with women ... After all, every man has the right to a healthy dating life. Dating Dynamics provide advice, articles, books, audio, and all the resources a mand needs for success.
Carlos has also been a guest advisor and author on numerous sites and respected dating publications, such as:
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