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Horrible Advice on How to Pickup Women
Hi again, Friend.
Jeffy here, back again to bring you some of the most valuable secrets of social interaction ever to grace an email.
Just kidding. This issue, I'm gonna give you some of the WORST advice you've ever heard. Let's get right to it.
In my travels and my work with Real Social Dynamics, I meet a ton of students who are just starting out in the game, and there are certain things that they inevitably struggle with during this nascent period of playerdom.
One of these "universal" problems involves reconciling their new-found attitudes with a lot of old cliches that they once held as truths.
What I mean by this is that, over the years, we tend to accumulate a set of beliefs with regard to social interactions, especially interactions with the opposite sex, that sound good on paper.
But when push comes to shove, a lot of these beliefs turn out to be empty platitudes that can end up working AGAINST YOU.
As you grow and become more socially intelligent, you learn to recognize these old cliches for what they are. You may even come to a point where you start to actively work to eradicate the behaviors associated with them.
Like, the guy will think to himself, "All that stuff is weak... that's just BS that society puts out to throw people off the track... I'm a REAL player, I won't fall for that."
The funny thing, however, is this: behind all these apparently ass-backwards cliches we've all heard since high school about the best way to go about picking up women, there exists an element of truth.
These are the hidden nuggets of wisdom that only a true mack with a real-world understanding of the mechanics of the game can pick up on. No pun intended.
What am I talking about here? Let me give you a couple of examples.
First off, there's that old admonition you used to hear constantly from your teachers and parents when you were a kid:
"You should think before you speak."
This is one of my favorites. My dad used to say this one to me all the friggin' time.
"Boy, you need to learn to THINK before you speak!!"
Ok, makes sense. Of course.
The problem is this: a lot of guys get waaay too wrapped up in this. Especially when they're interacting with women.
For example, you have a guy talking to a girl at the bar. And he's sitting there talking to her, but in his head, he's always trying to stay two steps ahead, to ensure he doesn't say the wrong thing and blow it.
It's like he's Garry Kasparov or something, trying to defeat IBM's Deep Blue supercomputer in the chess match of the century. Contemplating every possible move and permutation in advance, so he'll be ready for it.
Got to be READY!!
It's ironic, because when you're constantly trying to stay ahead in the interaction, you actually end up sabotaging yourself.
What happens is this: by not focusing on being in the moment, you end up killing the vibe.
In pickup, rhythm is so important as to be paramount to success. Rhythm, expression and confidence are all intertwined. If your mind is always thirty seconds in the future, you're going to subcommunicate bad things about yourself. Why would someone secure in their abilities be worried about "screwing up"?
Think of it like this: it's the difference between a novice guitar player struggling to remember which notes to play next, and Jimi Hendrix just riffing and flowing straight from the soul. If you've ever listened to a live Hendrix album, you know what I'm talking about. (If you haven't, I suggest you download some immediately and listen to it while you read the rest of this newsletter). One sounds stilted and awkward, the other sounds honest and soulful... you can't help but be drawn in.
By walking on eggshells and being concerned about what others will think of what you say, you're creating a gap between your true self and the persona others see.
This gap exists within everybody. In people who are highly charismatic, the gap will be so small as to be insignificant. There is literally no difference between what they feel inside and what they project to the world.
This is universally attractive to all people.
So, back to the original point: guys get into the game and they learn that this advice is, let's say, "not so good". As a result, they dismiss it outright as "chump conditioning".
But, as I've come to realize, there's some hidden treasure in this dung heap.
As I've gotten more and more experience up in the game, I've started to develop a field intuition about certain scenarios. This intuition is basically my brain instantaneously comparing the situation at hand against all the information gleaned from three years of going out to meet women seven nights a week. When you get that many interactions under your belt, you gots quite the preponderance of data to draw from.
So, for example, I'll be talking to a girl or a group of girls, and they will say "X". What happens is that my brain searches the database for similar experiences and brings back suggestions.
Note that this happens INSTANTANEOUSLY. Your brain is an extremely powerful heuristic computing machine, more powerful than you know. Every sliver of information you've ever taken in is stored in it, somewhere.
So when this happens, it's not something I'm consciously doing. It just happens.
The way it practically manifests is the interesting part.
Rather than throwing up suggestions of what to say, my brain spits out WARNINGS of things to NOT say or do. Like, my brain searches the database and comes back in a nanosecond with a warning: "DON'T DO THAT... LET IT GO... IF YOU DO THAT IT'S GAME OVER!!"
Let me give you a quick couple of examples.
Let's say I'm interacting with a group and someone in the group says something that sets them up for a joke at their expense. I have the perfect response for it, a response that I KNOW will get people around us falling down on the floor, clutching their sides in agony because they're laughing so hard. I get ready to spit the line out...
...when all of a sudden something stops me. It's my brain, telling me that, yes, the joke might be the funniest thing I've said all month, but it will piss off the wrong person in the group, and I'll end up blown out of the set. So I bite my tongue and move on. Sure, I didn't get the laugh, but I'll get the lay instead. Oh well. :)
The funny thing is, when I first got into the game, this warning wouldn't have come up. I would have just blithely spit out the line and been left there scratching my head in puzzlement after I got blown out.
Here's another real life example. I'm getting ready for a date with a 19 year old I met last week. I know that this is ON, so I spend a couple hours getting my house ready for when I pull her back to it. This means mopping the floor, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, etc.
So I call the chick up, and all of a sudden she tells me she's flaking on me to go to a ballgame. What the hell? I'm pretty irritated, especially since I did all that housework.
So I start to say to her, "But, I even cleaned the bathroom for you!"
BZZZT!!! My spidey sense starts tingling like a mofo! "DO NOT SAY THAT! DO NOT SAY THAT!"
So instead, I say in a sarcastic tone, "Awww, I'm so disappointed. I hired a limo, had flowers flown in from Brazil, and even got a concert pianist from France to make the night special." She starts laughing and agrees to meet up after the game. I laid her that night... SOLID GAME!
Now, what happened there was, my brain searched the database and came up with this: telling her that I cleaned my bathroom would raise her "anti-slut-defense". Why would I clean my bathroom? What am I expecting, her to come back to my house and sleep with me? Oh my god, how shocking!
Based on past experience, I knew this was the incorrect course of action, so I changed my tack and succeeded.
So basically, what I'm saying here is that when you hear someone say, "You should think before you speak," the true meaning isn't that you should walk on eggshells and carefully weigh every word that comes out of your mouth.
Think of it like this instead: it's more a matter of installing BEHAVIORAL FILTERS in your head that guide you down a funnel of choices that lead you to your goals in a given interaction. As you accumulate more and more experience, the filters become more comprehensive.
Another Hall of Fame cliche we hear all the time is the old classic, "just be yourself".
Talk to any of your female friends about pickup, and odds are they'll answer with some variant of this.
"Just be yourself, and everything will be fine."
At this point you're most likely sitting there thinking to yourself, "Nonsense. I've been myself my entire life, and it's not really getting me laid as much as I'd like! If anything, I need to become DIFFERENT than how I am now!"
This is why lot of people initially seek out structure when they come to the pickup game. It's precisely because they feel that it isn't enough to "just be themselves". They feel that if they just had some more material, everything would fall into place; it becomes a crutch, a supplement that makes developing an actual personality unnecessary.
It's unfortunate, because what they're doing is misunderstanding the true meaning of the phrase.
When someone tells you to be yourself, they don't mean to keep on engaging in the same old behaviors that haven't got you laid in the past and just shrug your shoulders when it doesn't work out. What they really mean is to drop all of the filters of insecurity in your head and start expressing yourself congruently.
In other words, don't *just* be yourself, be a hyper version of yourself. People who are operating on a very pure level internally are magnetic. It's not about making yourself over into a new person, it's about letting go of that which STIFLES the attractive person that already lies within you.
Be all you can be.
Speaking of which, if you haven't considered taking one of our live in field programs yet, now's the time. Of course, this lifestyle's not for everyone, I'll understand if you're not comfortable meeting beautiful women that you have the time or inclination to handle.
Speaking of which, if you haven't considered taking one of our live in field programs yet, now's the time. Of course, this lifestyle's not for everyone, I'll understand if you're not comfortable meeting more beautiful women that you have the time or inclination to handle.
But if you want to achieve success greater than even that of the best "naturals", then you'll definitely want to look into an RSD workshop. The program is packed wall-to-wall with field tested information and the tools you'll need to achieve your wildest dreams.
I know, because it happened to me. Three years ago I was a serial monogamist, who at the age of 26 had slept with a mere six women. Today, I've been with strippers, had menege-a- trois with dozens of beautiful girls, done things that just a short time ago seemed so fantastic as to be unattainable. And now, here I am, living a life I once thought existed only in fiction.
I owe it all to the RSD crew. Together, over the past several years, we've busted our collective ass to develop nothing less than the most comprehensive, effective and consistent way to meet, attract and seduce beautiful women any time, any where.
And now we extend the baton to you, my friend. Are you gonna reach out and grab it?
To learn more about our live, in-field workshops, visit our site:
"(The program was) very good. I've seen amazing things, have advanced massively even though there's a long way to go. I'd say these 3 days have cut off at least a year from my learning curve. I'm not out of the tunnel, but thanks to you guys I can see the light at the end. Props to you all. Considering what you have to work with (me), good job! I think I made a lot of progress- longest journey, first step, all that.
- Jim R., Minneapolis, MN
Cutting a year off of your learning curve is certainly nothing to sneeze at. Let's face it, this is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. Grab the bull by the horns and start living the lifestyle you deserve today.
In addition to our workshops, we also offer Personalized Bootcamps. This is your opportunity to live with the RSD Executive Coaches and receive individualized training and exhaustive feedback on every minute aspect of your game until all of your sticking points have been annihilated from existence. You can't find this kind of hard-core training ANYWHERE else, and if you could, it most certainly wouldn't be offered at this price.
In fact, we won't be able to continue to offer Personalized Bootcamps at this price for much longer... it simply isn't viable. This isn't some sort of "marketing scare tactic", it's just the truth.
Bar none, this is THE BEST way to get your game to top speed in the shortest amount of time. If you're feeling a hunch that you should grab this opportunity before it's too late, follow that instinct and learn more about RSD Personalized Bootcamps here:
Anyway, I wanna wrap this issue up here. The point I was trying to make is that there are always several layers of meaning to anything that we perceive. As you progress and mature in the development of a skillset, many of the beliefs that served you well as a novice cease to do so. I just think it's important to keep the student frame at all times, to constantly seek out those "next-level" epiphanies that can only come with experience.
That's what they call wisdom, and it's pretty cool.
All right bro, until next time, get out there and go to work.
Jeffy, Executive Coach REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICSPS...Do you have any questions or success stories that you'd like to see in this newsletter? Keep it brief, email them to me at email@example.com and I'll answer them personally. I'll provide the solution to any challenge you can possibly put to me. Remember: even if an obstacle seems "big" to you, our team has probably faced it hundreds of times, so we can solve
it in a SNAP.
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