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How to Get Her Chasing You
Hi again, Friend.
I had a few thoughts this week, from watching some guys I was working with on program.
In our teachings, we frequently refer to something we call "active disinterest", which is a tactic we use to get the girls chasing US, not the other way around.
Well, someone suggested we re-name it "tentative interest", which I think has some merit.
To me this is all the same thing, but for some guys this disintinction could be useful since they're learning only from text so its important for the terminology to be as accurate as possible.
A few pointers on this:
1- I always tell guys to focus on having fun and being social rather than appearing to be trying too hard to "pickup" (so as not to be perceived and treated as the next cheesy sexually needy guy of the night).
But that said, I assume that guys are coming across like MEN here, and there is a sexual vibe between them and the girls already.
Many guys I've seen though will take this too far, which is understandable, but I think it's a mistake.
I personally will pull a lot of stripper-type stuff, like coquettish "You can't have me" looks. But in doing so, the fact that you're subcommunicating "you can't have me" *assumes* that the vibe between you is sexual.
Otherwise, the idea of her not HAVING YOU wouldn't come up at all.. See?
Direct examples of ways to do so include quickly turning and facing the hot girl directly, moving a bit closer to her, and shooting a quick triangular gaze from hard eye contact down to her lips, then looking back up to her eyes and making a playful smile and backing away from her a bit to turn to her friends.
Watch the girls go insane at this.
You could then shoot her a playful nod like "Not gonna happen". Then engage the friends a bit, even though the hot girl knows there's something between you, and watch her work to get your attention by trying to cut in.
Then when she pulls her "I can get what I want" girl jumping in front of everyone stuff to get your validation, say "Hey! Wait your turn. How do you guys roll with this girl?!", and then give her another VERY sexual playful look, then back off again. Even shoot her a touch on the shoulder and raise your eyebrows, and back off again.
Often she'll throw herself up in your face at this point, and from there you can work her directly because she's chosen you.
When you're "ignoring the target", that doesn't always mean *full* ignorance. It just means not making the friends socially uncomfortable, so that you can benefit from the girl thinking "Wow, my friends love this guy", which can only help you.
It doesn't mean get preoccupied and distracted from the goal, though, by being focused on the wrong things.
Otherwise you'll get cases like the hot girls walking off so their less-attractive friend can have a chance with you.
Point is, once the girl has chosen you, you can get her comfortable and sit her down and WORK.
For me, it is more efficient to bait the girl into chasing me within 1-2 minutes, than to go in and have her screening me and working against the current.
Because I have my body language and confidence down fully, I am not concerned about being sexually needy with my openers, and I know that the girls will take care of this for me 90% of the time without me having to verbally prompt them (since my body language and vibe will do this for me).
All right. Now let me talk about something we call "cutting in". This term is something I yell at my wings when I see them blowing it and not getting the girl they want.
You'll hear me yell "CUT IN!"
On average, I need only engage the group between 30 seconds to 3 minutes before I have the girl I want chasing me.
I'm usually in the corner with my girl in about 5-10 minutes, and making out with her in about 15-20.
Sometimes I'll differ slightly in that I prefer to extract the girl from the club and makeout at the next venue, which I do within about 30 minutes, although admittedly I'll do fast makeouts on workshop just to show off even though I don't always think its the best path at that time.
This is where many guys go wrong with the active disinterest. I want the girl close to me ASAP (within 6 inches of my face).
A few ways I might do this would include:
A - CUTTING IN: To cut in means to move closer to the girl, without being jumpy or nervous or getting too much in her face.
It's like how you would walk up to and pick up a cat without making it run off.
I do so by turning my face sideways and looking distracted for about half a second, and then closing in.
Or turning my body-language, or doing it on high points when she's giggly because she's suggestable at that point and if she's giggly she won't object to escalation because she's not thinking logically.
Because I don't shoot into her face too abruptly, she doesn't get uncomfortable.
This is done with body-language. Very easy.
Most guys make mistakes here because they infringe on personal space too quickly, and the girls lock up.
Also, because they don't look confident, it looks premeditated and too outcome-dependent, which makes the girls feel uncomfortable like "what's he trying to pull?" instead of "this fun alpha guy does whatever the hell he wants and I don't question it because he's congruent."
Typically, I will have the girl engaged with my palms up and her hands on mine, so I can do tests regularly to see where she's at.
The second she's ready to be pulled, I examine the social situation and make it happen or bridge and then venue change, continue to solidify the bridge, or move to the next set.
Oftentimes I am perched on a bar stool with my legs open and her leaning in between them.
This is the IDEAL position, and is very important.
It's also great on so many levels, because you can also put her hands on your knees, and lean back to see if she keeps them there, etc etc.
B - Use a routine: Another quick way is to run a routine or something (like show her something on herself), to make her have to come up to you in order for you to demonstrate whatever it is you're doing. Again, quick and easy.
C - Bait: The other way isn't something you do, but something that just happens. That's that oftentimes the girl will see her friends liking you, and because of this she'll practically start molesting you. This is very common.
D-Split the set with my wing: Here you just have a wing come in and chat the girls but ignore your girl, and you just move your body language sideways and engage her in a conversation, so you can work easily here.
Notice here that regardless of how it goes down, I'm face to face with the girl within seconds to a few minutes (usually seconds to one minute).
This is not a case where I'm forced to engage the set for long.
It's simple social common sense to work social gatherings and to take the path of least resistance.
You need not do so, it's just often easier and more consistent if you do.
The same goes for not facing the girls when you roll in.
This is the path of least resistance, and there is definetely no harm done in doing so, but a lot of the time, it can help to make it open more smoothly.
That said, it is important not to forget that the second she earns it, turn and face her.
Her giving you her attention will usually happen within 1-15 seconds, and at that point you should be engaging them completely, and running your game on them.
If it takes longer, wait. But that's an error at that point, and you're in damage control.
So, a quick review:
Get the girl engaged ASAP. "Active disinterest" does not mean that you are asexual.
Use it and engage the group when common sense tells you that it is the path of least resistance. If her interest level is at a point where don't need to, then don't.
I also recommend that guys go out and experiment with both extremely direct approaches in addtion to these types of active disinterest approaches. This is the only way to gain calibration skills experimentation.
If your game is smooth, you should get good results regardless of style. The style that you develop is simply the most effective and consistent for you as an individual.
At Real Social Dynamics, that's our whole reason for existence: to help people develop and grow as not only players but as people. :)
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Listen, I gotta run off to the ol' karaoke bar pretty soon, so I better wrap this up. Tune in next time for some more tips and tricks to help you take your game to the next level.
Jeffy, Executive Coach REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICSPS...Do you have any questions or success stories that you'd like to see in this newsletter? Keep it brief, email them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll answer them personally. I'll provide the solution to any challenge you can possibly put to me. Remember: even if an obstacle seems "big" to you, our team has probably faced it hundreds of times, so we can solve
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