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Ok, so today we're gonna take another magical journey into the old RSD Mailbag. Let's do it...
*** QUESTION ***
Hey man, I've been in field a lot so don't mix this post up of a newbie since I've done my fair share of approaches and know a lot of game.
My issue is that my results are very inconsistent. Like I will isolate sometimes and then it will take a while for it to happen again. I will get girls asking questions and then it won't happen for a while. By the way, I've done about 99% cold approaches and just about 5 social circle ones.
So my question is this. I have a very strong field intuition now and I'm getting non-verbal indicators of interest (standard feet pointing toward me, leaning in, paying attention, giggling, etc.) but for some reason, I'm not getting any verbal indicators of rapport. I will get body language cues but rarely any verbal "how old are you?" "what's your name?" etc. Is this simply a miscalibration or is it because their buying temperature not high enough to seek it verbally?
The reason I ask is this question has been lingering on my mind for ages and I have been going in,field trying to fix it up but to no avail. I don't want a Blind leading blind situation so your help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
>>>>>> MY REPLY:
Okay. Having not seen your game in person, I'm forced to make certain assumptions based on what you've said.
First of all, I worry that you're overly concerned with playing the buying temperature game.
What I mean by this is something we call "outcome dependence".
Somebody who is outcome dependent is SEEKING attraction. This can lead to a scenario where you end up trying harder and harder to generate those indicators you're looking for by spitting more and more game.
It's like, "Oh, I spit my tightest line and it didn't work... quick, spit another before she loses interest ... oh shit, that didn't work either... spit another, another!!!"
The end result? The chick becomes interested all right... 'cause you're her entertainment for the night.
She has no real interest in hooking up with you, but you're an amusing "dancing monkey" for her and her friends.
While it may be entertaining, the bottom line is: no chick wants to bang a monkey. Unless they have some seriously weird fetish.
So yeah, they'll show indicators of interest to keep you around, but when closing time rolls around it's, "Nice to meet you! Bye bye!"
Just another example of how CARING about the outcome of the interaction causes you to fail. Ironic.
Another possible explanation that comes to mind would be that you're not moving the set forward.
Are you escalating things once the set is obviously open to your presence? Or do you just stand there spinning your wheels, bombarding them with attract material long past the point where they're interested?
Indicators of interest are just that: they tell you they are INTERESTED, nothing more.
Remember, it's YOUR responsibility to escalate. These girls aren't gonna do it for you, except in RARE instances.
So, given these possible explanations, I'm gonna prescribe the following:
FIRST. Do everything you can to avoid the dancing monkey trap. That means using the least amount of high octane material possible to get them interested. Use some right off the bat, after your opener, to get them hooked. After that, use it sparingly, as a tool to spike the energy of the interaction when you sense it's waning.
You want the girls to be CONTRIBUTIVE. In other words, not just standing there listening to you and laughing. You still want to lead and direct the conversation, but you need to make sure that it is in fact a CONVERSATION, not just you giving a stand-up routine.
SECONDLY. Make sure you have a definite idea where you're at and where you want to go, then make sure that you're constantly moving things in that direction, slowly but surely.
Again, once you've hooked them, start getting physical (by degrees). Simultaneously, start building rapport, both wide and deep. A lot of guys think of the seduction process as being very linear, like "Attract-Then Build Comfort-Then Get Physical". What they don't realize is that these things must happen concurrently during the interaction, in harmony.
Anyway, if you're just pumping buying temperature, it's hard for them to take you seriously... you become a sort of cartoon character.
Your comment about miscalibration isn't off the mark. Pay more attention to how you're emotionally affecting the girls, and realize that at some point, you actually have to stop playing a character and CONNECT with them on some level.
Once you do that, you'll start getting those verbal indicators of rapport. At that point, get them into isolation and GO TO WORK.
Hope that helps... cheers.
*** SUCCESS STORY ***
I took the seminar.
The social dynamics learned at the seminar can be applied anywhere, even though there was an obvious focus on women. I've been getting more respect from friends, peers, and coworkers, since taking the program. Hell, even drivers give me more respect. Someone will try to cut me off, then I'll look at him like "Yes?" and he'll back off and signal for me to drive ahead of him.
It sounds crazy but my model of the world and myself has completely changed since the seminar. Any abuse anyone has ever given me has been reframed and is no longer held in my memories as painful or degrading.
The segments on "out-alphaing" are worth it alone. How would you like to be able to defend yourself against ANYONE making fun of you EVER again? Yeah, it sounds like I'm exaggerating, but the stuff they teach is full proof.
If any of you were picked on in high school or middle school or whatever, you HAVE to take this program. It'll reframe your past experiences so they're no longer painful, plus you'll understand why it happened and why it has nothing to do with your value as a person. I had been to therapy off and on for years and nothing has given me as much personal change and growth as this weekend.
The more time passes, the more I continue to grow from this experience. I'm getting more realizations and epiphanies as the weeks go on. I've taken another seminar where I received personal change work hypnosis, and RSD blows it completely out of the water in terms of your personal change and growth.
If you're not successful with women, you always wonder if you look good enough. My belief before was "I'm not good looking enough to get girls without doing any game." My belief now is "I'm good looking, but that's not enough to get laid, I need game too." What a reframe, huh.
On the subject of looks, another major epiphany is your realization that you don't' need great (or even good) looks to get laid. A couple instructors had some extra gut baggage, most were average looking, a few good looking guys, and a couple below average. The best guys weren't necessarily the best looking either. If you want to get over your looks concerns go to RSD. You'll realize your looks are definitely good enough to get the job done once you get your game in place.
Overall, this is an awesome experience and you all should go. It'll be a while before I go to another workshop/seminar because I'm still seeping everything I learned. It's an intense weekend for sure.
- Dan A., San Diego
>>>>>> MY REPLY:
Dude, I think I'm one of the instructors that you refer to as "having extra gut baggage", so I had to laugh at that... but yeah, looks actually matter far less than one might suspect. This has been detrimental to my health in some ways, because the fact that I've been with some extremely hot girls in spite of my beer gut kind of takes away some of the motivation to work out.
All kidding aside, I'm really glad to hear that the program has paid such dividends in your life. I hear the same comments from a lot of guys as well.
It's interesting that you refer to the "out- alphaing" segments of the program in the context of being made fun of in high school. Somebody once suggested that we start a separate program on verbal jousting just for high school kids.
Interesting too that you talk about experiencing a continual growth, weeks after having taken the program. This is by design.
We plant the seeds and give you the tools, then set you loose on the world. After that, it's all up to you.
Take care Dan, and keep it up.
*** QUESTION ***
I've been in the game for about four months now and I feel like I'm having some decent success. I've always been pretty good (decent) with women so I think I have a lot of potential to get good pretty quick..
But my question is this.. when I'm at the club, I can approach groups of girls no problem, and even groups of girls and guys no problem. But for some reason , I freeze up when I see a two set of one girl and one guy. I don't know why, but I can't approach those sets. Maybe cause it seems like they're more intimate or something. I dont know.
What's the best way to approach these kinds of sets?
- Rick B.
>>>>>> MY REPLY:
Rick. Listen. These guy-girl two sets are often my FAVORITES to approach, because it's so easy to get attraction. A lot of times, guys see these sets and assume they're a couple. Funny thing is, 90% of the time, it's not their boyfriend, but some random guy they just met, or a co-worker, or their brother, etc. etc.
When opening these sets, you can do one of several things.
You can work the guy and ignore the girl.
OR, you can work the guy until he's commited to not having a prob with you being there and then move to the girl (this should take only seconds to 1 minute).
OR you can blow the guy out completely (this last one is easily done when you are 'alpha', because the girls give you so much attention so quickly, that the guys just give up and walk away with their tail between their legs).
I use all three, by using common sense.
Sometimes, guys ask me what is better, going to the target or engaging the whole group. The answer is to use your brain and common sense. Imagine that.
Do what is natural and the path of least resistance in the particular situation.
The only rule of pickup is to be clearly cooler than the girl.
That being the case, take the path of least social resistance, based on what you can tell will obviously work.
Many of the "rules" of pickup are generalities and ideas that are intended to make things run more smoothly, but always need to be moderated by common sense.
My personal most common approach on guy/girl mixed sets is to engage the group, but the second the guy gives tacit consent to me being there, I blow him out on the spot and engage the girl directly.
This takes only seconds.
Typically I prefer for him to stay there, because I can eclipse him so strongly that him sitting there watching me only increases my status.
This is like striking out like a tiger or something.
Like seriously, you go in and come across way cooler than the guy within seconds, and the instant that he obviously is lower than you he is tooled and you cut into the girl and go for it.
Still, if I see the girl is going crazy getting all wet by me ignoring her, I'll keep it up. Some girls are just like that, and if I see it I calibrate by playing it out.
Or the dude may be just a cool guy, in which case I'll hang with him and I know he'll hook me up (which has happened to me many times). I use common sense.
Have I mentioned common sense?
Take Control Of Your Social Life TODAY.
We've got some new dates up on the schedule for our Personalized Workshops and Bootcamps. If you really want to take your game to the next level in the shortest amount of time possible, our live, in-field programs are the way to go.
Over the course of the weekend, you'll be immersed in a hard-core learning environment from start to finish. We give you the tools you need to get girls attracted to you FAST, and the skills and self- confidence you need to convert that attraction into something more.
Each night, you'll take those skills into the field with the RSD Executive Coaches. You'll do interaction after interaction, pushing further and further past your limits, with the Executive Coaches there to guide you every step of the way.
Our bulletproof system is the final product of years of fine-tuning, polishing, and perfecting. It'll increase your success beyond what you thought imaginable. And it'll empower you to approach anyone, anywhere, and break the tension and build rapport, while sounding like an old pro.
Knowing what to do and when to do it can shave YEARS off of your learning curve. That's YEARS of crash & burns you won't have to endure, YEARS of going home alone you won't have to suffer through.
Why go through all that when you can have the life you want NOW?
If you're thinking that this is something you want to take care of TODAY, and not MONTHS or YEARS from now, then check out our schedule and sign up for your live program right now by clicking here:
During your personalized bootcamp, you'll be pushed to your limits...
Then you'll be pushed some more!
And the entire time, the RSD executive coaches will be there, not only to provide you with intensely detailed feedback and suggestions, but also to demonstrate what is REALLY possible.
To learn more about RSD Personalized Bootcamps, visit:
This is an investment that pays dividends for a LIFETIME.
Well, it's about that time of the day when I go through my phone and make my nightly calls, so I'm gonna end this issue right about here. Thanks again for reading our newsletter. See you next time.
Jeffy, Executive Coach REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICSPS...Do you have any questions or success stories that you'd like to see in this newsletter? Keep it brief, email them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll answer them personally. I'll provide the solution to any challenge you can possibly put to me. Remember: even if an obstacle seems "big" to you, our team has probably faced it hundreds of times, so we can solve
it in a SNAP.
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